my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so explain again why im purple
no
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
