I want to make a zoo with you.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
