Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
