Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
