Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm just crazy horny about you
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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