just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
