Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
