hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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