I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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