even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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