so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
