i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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