A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
