i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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