Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My bed smells like the plague
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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