I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
