My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize