Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
