38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
