My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
