oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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