We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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