I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
