STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
