We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
