she smelled like a LAN party
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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