i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
