Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
