The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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