Your face is a jimmy john
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
