I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
