Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
