Nicole vs. Life
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
