Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you have to choose: penises or morals?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
