And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I forget how to act sober
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
