I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
