I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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