We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
