so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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