i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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