I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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