I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
