in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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