fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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