I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Randomize
