I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize