I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
