As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Randomize
