He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize