my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
