You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The feeling are messing with the penis
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
