meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
