I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
