Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
