If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
