Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.

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(303): View more from Colorado

so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name

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(815): View more from Illinois

New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.

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(971): View more from Oregon

He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.

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(541): View more from Oregon

When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?

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(847): View more from Illinois

Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.

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(765): View more from Indiana

Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?

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