Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
