Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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