she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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