theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
