She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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