I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
