That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
