I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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