i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
