I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
