He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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